ive been fighting with myself for the entire week.
restraining myself to make any contact or at least know anything about you.
its hard enough that ive been dying everyday because i miss you so much.
but this is not right...
i should not give in because i will still be on the losing end.
i need to stop this non-sense deal.
this is not the first time and ive been in this same spot before you came along.
im getting better...
- Location:Somewhere in Chase
- Mood:
sad
Terminator Salavation had an advance screening last night in Greenbelt3. Polo was able to get tickets for the two of us. Goodthing it was held in Greenbelt3 since I might have second thoughts if it was somewhere else. Choosy?
Anyway the movie was good. Im not really a follower of the Terminator movies but the effects were really great.
After the movie the two of us headed to SMX for the Fashion Week.
Yes! The Fashion Week.
We met with Macky who got us the passes. The show we attended was for the new designers. Good collection! It was like Sex-and-the-City-made-to-reality night. Sadly, I can not watch other shows because Im in the night shift. Darn!
Last stop Chunky's! Booze before we retire and few songs on the side.
Quick chow from left-overs and then off to bed.
My back is aching from too much sleep!
Anyway, I heading to work early tonight.
I saw a bubble. It was beautiful. The way it shined under the sun made me stop and stare. It was gliding with no exact location to go. No definite destination to pursue.
I followed it to see where it is heading. There were several bubbles around but this one really caught my attention. My interest sparked but I held myself back knowing that it should fly on its own. Knowing that I 19ve watched many bubbles before and all of them disappeared into thin air.
I was watching it for some time to see where it is going. I guided it so it won 19t lose it s way. It floated here and there. No particular direction. No place to go. Still I followed not knowing what I was doing but I know for a fact that I was enjoying the moment.
I stood still for a bit and watched the bubble from afar. Keeping my distance but not letting it get out of my sight. I thought let it be on its own.
I was happy.
I had contentment in watching the bubble glide where the air is blowing.
Sometimes heading my direction, hovering around me. Sometimes floating too far in great distance.
I waited for the bubble to come back and I knew exactly that I was already going after it.
I guided it so it won 19t fly away again for I wanted the bubble to be mine.
I felt the urge to have the bubble near and keep it close to me all the time.
I stood up and ran after it because I know it was already drifting away. I don 19t want to lose it. I ran after it but because the wind was blowing so hard it might disappear.
I ran with my hands wide open, ready to catch it as I was nearing.
I reached out for the bubble 26
But it bursted as soon as I enclosed it in my hands.
Now it 19s gone. I don 19t know how to bring it back.
My tears poured. Feeling foolish with what I did. I ruined the chance of letting the bubble come to me on its own. I ruined the chance to see if the bubble will stay and not fly way. I ruined my chance to keep it safe. I ruined the chance to have what I want because I was too impulsive and too impatient to wait for the bubble to follow its own course.
I opened my hands to see what was left. A spark of hope flickered inside me. But there was nothing left. Not a single trace of the bubble I cared for and loved.
Then everything went dark again. Clouds were now above me that covered the light that I was seeking for the longest time. Once again disappointing myself. Making myself believe that the bubble was something for me to keep.
I wonder if I just stop doing all of this?
I was up late last night, since I was not in the office due to a very sensitive reason. And I was thinking about my current situation. Im reaching a point where I want to assure my position. But how can I assume a position if there is no ground to place such assumptions?
Though my expectations are very minimal I still wish there is somekind of a sign that will tell me that what Im doing is right and eventually lead me to where I want to go. But then I hold myself back thinking that its not just me who is in this cycle.
Should I stop pursuing because I am afraid that it will just end like the rest before this one? Or should I hang on for my dear life and see how this will all end?
After keeping my thoughts to myself for a long time I finally found the urge to write it down. A lot of things happened since my last blog and I might be able to cover the highlights only.
I would like to start my entry with a request. One of my bestfriends, Nikki Remo, was diagnosed with brain cancer early this year and currently going under treatment and from the last news I heard he is doing really good. I asked for your prayers for his speedy and full recovery. Thank you so much!
Work is going smoothly. I was assigned to head the events committee of our function and its been divine ever since. I also represent the function to the site wide events committee which I enjoy dearly. I can say that my actual work is more tolerable with my extra activities. Hopefully a promotion is next!
I was able to travel several times this summer. Twice in Puerto Galera and most recently in Boracay. There were some side trips as well here and there but very minor. I noticed as well that I go out every weekend now. Sometimes I am out the entire weekend! The party animal in me awakes! The urge is so strong that I can not stay in my place on a weekend or if do I stay in I feel that I just wasted a day. I wonder how long the gimik spree would last?
Though I spent a lot of time at work on weekdays and partying all night on weekends I still manage to keep my health in good condition. I went under a series of tests again and the results were all normal. My hypertension kicks in once in a while though but besides that I am perfectly fine.
As for my lovelife, its a like a bubble. I can not hold it or leave it on its own because it might burst anytime. All I can do is to guide it to its destination.
More drama to come. Im on a roll now!
- Location:Somwhere in Chase
- Mood:
happy
You are The High Priestess
Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.
The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.
grabbed from my Nanay
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
kitchengod - Location:Somewhere in Chase
- Mood: thinking about Nikki
Whenever I see food,
I eat like CRAZY these days!
1. What did you do in 2008 that you've never done before?
I became satisfied...
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I dont make resolutions just realizations...
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yup!
4. Did anyone close to you die?
A friend, some relatives and close people... Sad.
5. What country did you visit?
I never left the country.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A better-half... If its not too much to ask.
7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
None in particular.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I was assigned to represent our process in the Site Wide Events Committee.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I became desperate again for a BF.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
A lot!
11. What was the best thing you bought?
MyPhone (that is the brand actually!), a pair of Chucks and Sanuk sandals.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
I think none...
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
That was done back in '07.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Definitely not in my bank account! Im still asking myself the same question until now...
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Sex and the City Movie!
16. What songs will always remind you of 2008?
When I Grow Up by PCD.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? happier.
ii. thinner or fatter? somewhere in between
iii. richer or poorer? richer, i guess?
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Save up money...
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Spending and drinking!
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Christmas Eve: I was in my officemate's house, drunk!
Christmas Day: I was with my Father's side of the Family then with friends, drunk again!
21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I did.
22. How many one-night stands?
Several...
23. What was your favorite TV program?
I was introduce to Gossip Girl and the Family Guy. But still the Food Netwrok is the best!
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I think I do...
25. What was the best book you read?
The Twilight Saga. Yes! Im sucker for love stories, vampires and fantasies.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Remixes.
27. What did you want and got?
A new phone!
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Sex and the City... and ok, Twilight.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was working!!!
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A love life and more money!
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
It was repetitive.
32. What kept you sane?
Booze!
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Still Dennis Trillo...
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
None and I could not care less.
35. Who did you miss?
Someone from the past.
36. Who was the best new person you met?
My bestfriend's boyfriend. My Ate Josie... hahaha!
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
Don't expect!
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
I hate this part right here.
- Location:Somewhere in Chase
- Mood:
bored
... a pigment of my imagination.
I cant believe it's just a week from now.
Still the Crhristmas feeling is not sinking in.
I wonder why???
All I can say is a gave it shot.
Moving on...
OH COME ON!
Another one of this bullshit!
Another disappointment...
Shit!
I dont want this anymore!
...
I want to scream so I can release what is inside me...
Damn! I can not put it into words!
...
So today I figured that I wont go to the La Loma Cemetery to give respect to our departed. Its a long commute for sure and exhaustion to the max. Knowing a lot of people are there trying to get in. The heat is also bothering me. And probabaly the main reason is that it is a semi-family reunion which I really fond of. But my mom called me and saying all this stuff about my nephew twice removed. That was just my mom being proud of me, I hope!
I watched Gossip Girl online and was able to finish up to episode 6. The season is really promising. More intrigues, gossips and scandals. I need to see more!
I met up with Paolo in Mall of Asia for lunch in Sbarro. Bought a book and some things. Then talked in Starbucks. My usual ranting about my so-called lovelife. After that we went around the mall again. I was looking for other things to buy. As if I have the extra cash to spend! I figured to skip some payables this time and go on a splurge. I just hope that I will have enough cash until the next pay.
After posting this entry we'll be off to Bed for the Black Party. And I have really strong feeling that it will be crowded. Might stay up to 4am only so I can still rest before heading home.
How i wish I can get all his negative vibes out of me coz its really taking a lot of energy out of me trying not be affected big time.
...
Its true that when your buzz you can say whatever you want.
Unless you're too drunk to talk.
No hesitation just pure confidence.
Once in a while it feels good after ranting about your frustrations and problems,
knowing that someone listened to you talk and agreed to everything you said.
It feels good afterwards.
...
I always go for a smooth-talker-pretty-face-medium-built-o
When will I learn... Pak!
Cleaned my room finally! Or more of rearranging stuff in the room. Now its more conducive to dwell on. I was planning to throw out things that Im no longer using but being a pack rat myself I had a hard time doing so. In the end everything went back inside. I still need to do another sweep of the cabinet because there are things in there that should not be in there. The cleaning killed almost half of my day.
I took a shower since I was filthy after that. Then sleep...
Woke up around 6-ish I think? Ate dinner then went to Chunky's to help wipe out the beer supply in the world. I went there and was not allowed to go in since I was wearing shorts and flip-flps. Apparently they have this new dress code policy. So, I looked for the ever trusted Grace to probably get me a sit even outside. However, it was useless. I went back home and changed outfit. I was planning to drink a couple of bottles only but because of the wardrobe changed and since knowing my alcohol capacity I ended up ordering a bucket of cold beer.
Yes! Six bottles in total... I learned from my dad that if your going to drink then make the most out of it. Smart!
So there I was in one corner all by myself with the bottles of beer. I started drinking. It felt weird drinking alone in Chunky's. Most of the time I have company with me. Macky was in QC. I want to spare myself of the travel time and being the third wheel to the lovers. So I made myself comfortable.
Here are the major thoughts that entered my mind while being intoxicated:
1. I can not have everything to my advantage. My work is really good but there some aspects that really gets me down. Disappointing really but there is no perfect working environment. So far the cons are still minimal compared to the pros. Im being nice here.
Still I can not see myself transferring to another company in the near future. It is so hard to start all over again.
I am not the best among my colleagues but certainly I am not the least. Average...
Its always been like that. I really don't aim high because I afraid to fall fast and hard.
Im excited to go back to work on Monday maybe because my boredom is hitting a critical level.
2. Its hard the to find someone who will serve as your life partner. (Yes! Here I go again!)
Some of my friends told me to wait, so I waited...
Some suggested that I look, so I searched...
Some said be patient, well it might run out soon...
Im not deprived when it comes to love and relationships. I had my fair share. Maybe now Im looking for the one, again. I dont know how to define it. I need to feel it in order to tell. Im more in touch with my emotions when it comes to relationships. In a way stupid...
I met someone recently and I was overwhelmed. Good looks, great sex, interesting converstions... I told myself I can start something with this guy. So i did.
However, I feel that this is not going so well.
I guess I got used to my past relationships or attempted relationships that Im making the effort and also the other one is putting an effort as well to make things work. Give and take...
I was thinking that the world right now is really unpredictable. One day everything is good then it will just burst after. I learned from experience that this can happen to me all over again. Im starting to doubt myself. Can words alone make me do a 360? I should be wiser. Like what I always say...
"Sex talk is trash talk."
Its not really disappointing but I can not help but feel bad about it. I've known the guy for more than a couple weeks so if it will end then it will pass by easily. Such a waste if it will be over soon. He is really cute!
I guess I had my 4th bottle when I had these thoughts running in my mind...
Then most of the things are blurred out because I was pretty much buzzed already.
The last thing I remembered doing was walking home, took my clothes off, washed my face and waking up very early this morning with a pounding headache! Strong Ice is dangerous when your drinking alone.
BTW, I paid my for my drinks!
Day 4:
I woke up early but did not move for the next hour. I can feel my brain dropping from side to side, I swear!
Finally felt hunger so I forced myself to get up and get something to eat. I ended up eating in FD (the carinderia on the corner of Washington). I ordered Bulalo.
Yes!
BULALO!
The nerve to order a meal that could have been my last! But it was good.
After that I lied again on my bed. But before dozing off again to Fantasy Island I got up to defrost my ref and I was able arranged the ktichen stuff as well after. Washed a shirt that I'll be wearing tomorrow since I have not taken my clothes to the laundry yet. Productive still...
Then sleep... (More sleep, more chances of winning!)
My bestfriend Polo is currently here with Jay and their in Monster Land currently.
(Playing Monster hunter in PSP)
My other bestfriend Macky went out with EA for a dinner party in Greenbelt. I finally got the chance to blog! Thanks to the wi-fi connection from one of our neighbors which is unsecured I can blog in the comfort of Macky's room while listening to Mariah's high notes.
So, technically this is the last day of my leave since tomorrow will be my rest days but I will still put my entire day into words.
If salary will be available by tomorrow morning I'll pay my gym fee and work out!
A long, hard work out!
...
Most people are sick. Even me!
Nakakahawa ang sakit at ang katamaran...
haay! Good thing I will be on leave for 4 days next week.
Time to rest, realign my goals, think of a new to approach towards work, and clean my room!
Ang kalat sobra!
Clothes everywhere, things lying around and I need to take things Im no longer using.
I need a cabinet too. The built in cabinet is no longer useful since it has a leak.
So everytime it rains water goes everywhere. Grrr!
...
I told myself last week that I will not drink for a while since Ive been drunk for 3 consecutive weekends. Pero sinabi ko lang yun! Last saturday I was drunk again by noon time. Pasaway!
I did not go out last Saturday night since I have a visitor.
I was still buzzed when I woke up. Kulang na lang magka-alcohol poisoning ako!
Masarap uminom pero nakakasawa yung feeling pagkatapos. Hilo, masakit ang ulo, dehydrated at kung anek-anek pa!
OMG! Im becoming an alcoholic by force!
...
Christmas is very near, time to plan... *sigh
Saturday after shift with my officemates sa Market!Market!
Sunday night nomo with SAVEs peeps na tinulugan ko (im sorry naman!) dahil hindi ka keri ng katawang lupa.
Two nights lasing! Grabe!
Kamusta naman ang tumitibok-tibok na ulo ko sa parang malalaglag!
Pwes! No to alcohol muna ulit for next week... Mag-detox muna ako ng body.
Sabi nga ni Macky "For Wellnes"...
...
Bonding time with bestfriends Polo and Macky... in Forever Flawless!
Yeiz! Facial ang drama namin Sunday afternoon.
Feel ko na kasi ang mukha ko na puno ng kung anek-anek kaya kelangan ng linisin.
In full fairness maganda ang service. Kamahalan pero pasok na sa banga!
Nakakalurky lang ang scraping portion. They will remove your facial hair. Nakaka itim daw yun ng fez! Akala ko nga pati kilay ko inayos...
I realized that I should take care of my skin more this time.
Aba! Mahirap maghanap ng mas batang katawan...
and this is also "For Wellness"
...
3 weeks akong hindi nag gym! Some of my officemates told that I am overreacting about it.
Pero kasi naman Lifestyle ko na ito!
Self-motivtion ang kelangan dito kasi pag tinamad ka, wit na!
and "For Wellness" din ito! Alam nyo naman sakiting bata po ako.
...
Stewart Gilligan Griffin, more commonly known by his nickname "Stewie", is a fictional character in the animated series Family Guy.
Stewie is obsessed with world domination and trying to kill his mother, and has an ambiguous sexuality.
----
I not really into kids but if kids.
But Little Stewie would be an exception!
hahaha!
I love this kid!
Example...
Diz: Hey! Wanna hook up?
Booking: Sure... got a place?
Diz: Yup!
Booking: You alone?
Diz: Nope. I live with friends. Is that a problem?
Booking: Nah! Will they join us?
Diz: NO!
I do not understand why people will always ask if one of my friends is willing to do a three-way.
We have rule...
"One can watch but no touch!"
I did threesomes, foursomes... even an orgy before.
And I do admit that it is very exciting and HOT!
But of all my lustful adventures, my friends had no participation whatsoever!
Its no just me... Jay, Macky, Polo, Noel gets the same question all the time!
I even remember one time, someone asked me if I did it with any of my friends already.
Yes, we've known each other for a very long time but it does not mean our closeness will cross the border of fucking together or grosser, each other!
So to those who thinks that close friends will do it together for the sake of pleasure better think twice!
If we can do it together to release our pulsating libido then your presence will no longer be needed...
...
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